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24 -TIT FOR TAT "1990 SANDY THOMAS

At one point, Tana whispered to me, "You're doing fine. Be nice to your 'boyfriend' and I'll make you ‘scream' again later." Without asking, the two gentlemen, made themselves at home at our table.

It was becoming apparent that feminizing me was a turn on to Tana. How far would she push me?

Watching my wife do what came naturally around these two virile young men caused me a lot of apprehension. In my opinion, she was encouraging, almost seductive. I her couldn't believe that she'd do these things in front of me, husband. Strangely, I didn't feel jealously.

I was too busy to feel rivalry, I was expected to act like her, a young woman out with a man. Very natural. As the evening continued, I realized that I had firm control of my dance partner. I hoped that after several hours of exciting her date, Tana could maintain control.

They drove us home rather than us taking a taxi. As we approached our house, I knew what was next. Watching Tana get kissed goodnight was only overwhelmed by my fear of being kissed. I kissed my date lightly and opened the door to enter. I motioned for Tana to come too. She smiled and said in an uncompromising tone, "I'll be right in.”

"Goodnight," I said and shut the door leaving them on the porch. A gasp escaped my lips when I realized that I'd survived the evening.

I felt sweaty, my nylon panties and silky hose almost felt damp, my dress clung to my back and thighs. I couldn't wait to get out of them. I went to change.

It was unthinkable, but my wife was 'saying goodnight' in a much more passionate way than I did and I WASN'T JEALOUS. I knew that in a few minutes, she'd come in and 'jump my bones'. I was no longer feeling the competitiveness I'd felt before. I knew she loved me. When she came in, I said nothing about the evening except, "Looks like I can pass."

"More than that," she said, "You are becoming a delightful young lady. I might want to keep you this way."

We started going out on a regular basis, even going shopping. I had to get prepared for the party.

Tana had been encouraging my femininity. In this early part of my transformation, I was always afraid that if any men found out I would get beaten or arrested. I naturally always felt an urge to revert to masculinity. I soon realized

TV FICTION CLASSICS -25

"It was very strange being out shopping in a dress."

that it was this masculine urge that would give me away. I refused to go to Victor's hypnotist but Tana read some books about behavior and suggested some reaction therapy. The books said that "when a person is nervous about something, do something to compound or accentuate the apprehension thus de-sensitizing and insulating their anxiety."

So, whenever I felt ashamed of my portraying femininity, I was to do something to call attention to this loss of masculinity. If I was embarrassed by thoughts about being a sissy, I was to immediately do something very feminine, such as painting my fingernails or toenails a sissy pink. This called attention to my 'femininity' when I was most fearful of my loss of 'masculinity'.

One of the most difficult problems was my fear around men. When I told Tana that, she suggested that I reach over and touch in a feminine way, the man with whom I was talking.